Let me tell you a story,
It really is the strangest thing,
It’s a story so odd,
It’ll make your ears ring.
It’s the story of Bernard,
A man who often picked his nose,
For he was a man of many bad habits,
He’d even chew the nails of his toes.
His fingers would often be found,
Scooping wax from his ears,
And he’d bite his finger nails,
For years and years and years.
His hair was ridiculously long,
And he’d place the ends in his gob,
Oh, it looked terribly wrong,
What a frightful yob.
But one day, because he’d bitten his finger nails so much,
He came to realise his finger nails were gone!
He was panicked, lost, bereft!
“Ah well,” he said after he relaxed,
“I still have my ears”, he smiled,
As he dug for wax.
But one day, he’d scooped so much,
He was unable to touch his ears,
For they had gone! Disappeared! Been dug to death!
He took a deep breath,
“Ah well,” he said, “I still have my nose.”
And began to pick and pick and pick,
But one morning, he noticed, his nose had gone!
He felt sick, sick, sick.
He chewed his hair, which was nothing new,
But after a while, he had a frightful scare,
As he went for a nice clutch to chew,
He realised he had no hair!
It was too much for him to bear.
All he had left were his toes,
For he had lost his ears, his hair and his nose.
He chewed and chewed his nails,
He couldn’t get enough,
He chewed so much,
He chewed his toes off!
“What happened to Bernard?” I hear you ask,
The man who had no ears, no toes, no hair and no nose?
No bad habits of which he could mask?
He became the world’s most desirable man.
It really is the strangest thing,
It’s a story so odd,
It’ll make your ears ring.
It’s the story of Bernard,
A man who often picked his nose,
For he was a man of many bad habits,
He’d even chew the nails of his toes.
His fingers would often be found,
Scooping wax from his ears,
And he’d bite his finger nails,
For years and years and years.
His hair was ridiculously long,
And he’d place the ends in his gob,
Oh, it looked terribly wrong,
What a frightful yob.
But one day, because he’d bitten his finger nails so much,
He came to realise his finger nails were gone!
He was panicked, lost, bereft!
“Ah well,” he said after he relaxed,
“I still have my ears”, he smiled,
As he dug for wax.
But one day, he’d scooped so much,
He was unable to touch his ears,
For they had gone! Disappeared! Been dug to death!
He took a deep breath,
“Ah well,” he said, “I still have my nose.”
And began to pick and pick and pick,
But one morning, he noticed, his nose had gone!
He felt sick, sick, sick.
He chewed his hair, which was nothing new,
But after a while, he had a frightful scare,
As he went for a nice clutch to chew,
He realised he had no hair!
It was too much for him to bear.
All he had left were his toes,
For he had lost his ears, his hair and his nose.
He chewed and chewed his nails,
He couldn’t get enough,
He chewed so much,
He chewed his toes off!
“What happened to Bernard?” I hear you ask,
The man who had no ears, no toes, no hair and no nose?
No bad habits of which he could mask?
He became the world’s most desirable man.